You're in it for the right reasons
" I think you have to actually like the GUY as much as like the IDEA of the guy.. You know what I mean?"
You don't have to answer this question to anyone but yourself, but in your most private mind, ask yourself:
Why am I with this person?
In this relationship I told you about earlier, one of the other reasons I was afraid to leave was that I couldn't stand the idea of someone else coming along after me and loving him, like maybe she had some secret magical power that could fix him.
I would miss out on being with the good version of him. Staying with someone just because you don't want anyone else to have him- Hmmm, who wins there?
There were a lot of good things in that relationship and I was also scared that I would never find those things again with someone else. The thing that finally made me leave was realizing that it was not okay to settle out of fear and that I had to love myself enough to let this go and trust that something better would come along.
(And it did!)
So many of us feel such a need to be in a relationship that we'll stay in something even if it isn't serving us or the other person. Sometimes we do it out of guilt or not wanting to hurt someone. But the bottom line is that if you're not into him, you're not into him- you can't force feelings that aren't there.
Not wanting to be alone is a pretty common motivator. I get this- I really do. It feels comforting to be part of a "we", especially if all your friends have boyfriends. But deep down we kind of know that we're only giving ourselves a false sense of security this way. It's really important for us girls to learn that it's more than okay to be alone.
Other times we hang on to someone because he's who we think we're supposed to be with. Maybe he fits the picture of the guy you think is the ideal for you (cute, popular).
It's not unusual for us to stay in the wrong relationship simply because it's what we know. I know it feels scary to start all over with someone else, but the reality is that staying with someone just because you share a history blocks the possibility of your finding your real dream relationship. And how sad would that be??
When you know it's not right
If you don't see enough of the signs we talked about here in your relationship, you might reach that sad but necessary point of needing to end it. Grr- no one likes having to break up with someone! Even if we're made the decision in our hearts that it isn't right for us, there are still all these feelings-yours and his- to deal with.
It's always complicated.
I wish I could give you a script for the perfect way to say it or do it..If only it was that easy.
There were a lot of good things in that relationship and I was also scared that I would never find those things again with someone else. The thing that finally made me leave was realizing that it was not okay to settle out of fear and that I had to love myself enough to let this go and trust that something better would come along.
(And it did!)
So many of us feel such a need to be in a relationship that we'll stay in something even if it isn't serving us or the other person. Sometimes we do it out of guilt or not wanting to hurt someone. But the bottom line is that if you're not into him, you're not into him- you can't force feelings that aren't there.
Not wanting to be alone is a pretty common motivator. I get this- I really do. It feels comforting to be part of a "we", especially if all your friends have boyfriends. But deep down we kind of know that we're only giving ourselves a false sense of security this way. It's really important for us girls to learn that it's more than okay to be alone.
Other times we hang on to someone because he's who we think we're supposed to be with. Maybe he fits the picture of the guy you think is the ideal for you (cute, popular).
It's not unusual for us to stay in the wrong relationship simply because it's what we know. I know it feels scary to start all over with someone else, but the reality is that staying with someone just because you share a history blocks the possibility of your finding your real dream relationship. And how sad would that be??
When you know it's not right
If you don't see enough of the signs we talked about here in your relationship, you might reach that sad but necessary point of needing to end it. Grr- no one likes having to break up with someone! Even if we're made the decision in our hearts that it isn't right for us, there are still all these feelings-yours and his- to deal with.
It's always complicated.
I wish I could give you a script for the perfect way to say it or do it..If only it was that easy.
Love,
Lily
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